Today wake up earlier, err…8am.

ahaha…reached lab around 9.30am. Started to clean the lab-2… oh nO…tiring…

Suddenly dad came,fetched me n yang yang together with mom…

we went Bata at first to buy yangyang’s school shoe. then i got my new sandal. then went to shop nearby there but cant find any shirts. Well, mom said today have to settle down those CNY clothes… no more buying after this!

Went to emporium makan to makan makan lo… wow..i missed my ang jiu mi sua( 红酒面线)so much!

hehe…then went to the Store…yea…got few CNY clothes. err…spent a lot today… though not my money but….aiyO…pain la my heart!! working time always run away n hide, but using their $ to buy things which is more than Rm150 at least…damn…just in few hours!Nvm… i will work harder mom…

well, planned to go Southern Bank to do something but Chin Aik called n we rushed back to factory coz he is waiting us there… i thought what…haihzz..just talking crapz for whole day. but gained a lot in their conversation..about business n human resources..yea…i got new idea to ‘kill’ those naughty workers now!

a day..just past like this…went night market to buy for dinner…met that penjual soya who have a daughter that skilled in badminton n wanna show off konon…kns…soya bean man…dont step my tail!!! i m tiger..dont u know!

watched tv…bath..on9…issit a meaningful day? no…it has meaning but not FUL yet.

now…3.06am…already 24.dec.05…christmas eve…

well, just less than 24 hours to go…to reach a day where Jesus Christ was born…the only savior …

i born in the same day after few years…wuahaha.. i m also a great person leh…

hahaha…will be…will be…soon la…

oh no..must sleep now. Gnight for those who reading. byez!

Merry Christmas.

24.dec.2005–Christmas bb.

1- Why am i so lazy?

2-Why Muet result haven come out yet?

3-Why he didnt find me anymore?

4-Why don’t human can eat non-stop and wont die?

5-Why people outside there are so brave to face the challenge,and me not?

6-Why i feeling tired all the time?

7-Why i cant concentrate on my work n keep thinking about…

8-Why i cant hold on my happy moments..

9-Why everything will meet an end,just left out the memories…

10-Why…dad must be so suffer?

11-Why most of the guys always care their reputation/image more than anything?

12-Why people are stuborn although they know they doing something wrongly?

13-Why food on sales are still on sale even it’s bad for health? such as cigaratte…

14-Why still create so many powerful car engine since we r told not to speed…

15-Why Bill gate created so many stuffs and make me get addicted…

16-Why …i cant analyse what is in their mind?

17-Why my ago-go lost suddenly in the past 2 years and never come back?

18-Why still cant find a guy who really able to bring me a warm family in d future?…

19-Why i like to THINK TOO MUCH…

20-Why i cant study what i m interested?

21-Why i never trust that a FRIENDship can last forever?

22-Why the word MISUNDERSTAND appeared in dictionary?

23-Why girls must only married with guys :p

24-Why i care about so manythings…

25-Why…i used to laughed at myself AFTER one thing has happened?

26-Why i started to dream everynight again?

27-Why mom& alarm like to wake me up b4 i know the ending of my dream!

28-Why i m so ’straight’ all the time..

29-Why i didnt break Mr chan’s mirror in the last day-.-wasted!

30-Why i m still awake on this time…

-Li ying-

1.50am

23.dec.2005

When i m playing Badminton with brother today…

I duno why, today…very un-smooth…

haihz…walk also langgar-ed meja…

talk also talked non sense.

car door also cannot opened…

and finally…when brother tried to smash the shuttle down toward my face…

this is call body attact liao!…and i tried to avoid…

yeah…my racquet touched the shuttle dy!…almost avoid.

But..when the shuttle touched my racquet..it pantul-ed balik…kena my eye.

StupiD!…never c a person play badminton like this de lah!…

pain…very very pain. But i keep quiet. continue with brother coz i know he want to play so much.

i dun wan to make him disappointed. well. really cant stand for the pain anymore.

i lost my focus,i cant get the shuttle from my brother. i told him i felt pain.

until now…still pain…oh no…pain!…>.<

such a bad-lucked daY ar…

wat happen…wats going to happen…oh nO!!!!

Li Ying..

16.dec.05

怎么办!?

好几天了.手机一直没响过.真的好想把它关掉算了.却舍不得…
一直抱着希望,他也许迟些就会找我了啦…
可是,五天了,四夜了…他会知道我失眠得有多厉害吗?
应该不会懂吧.

以前…
难过时,是他的信息让我笑起来的."嘿,没什么心情不好的啦!"
哭泣时,是他的信息让我不再哭的."傻的,有什么好哭的,做戏罢了好不好!"
堕落时,是他的信息告诉我要坚强的."一定要振作,中华的学生没可能那么容易被打倒的.."
害怕时,是他的信息让我镇定的."你少担心了啦.."
逃避时,是他的信息敲醒我的."要尽全力把它做好才不会对不起自己!"
多想时,是他的信息对我说的."你要对自己有信心…"
失眠时,是他的信息为我嶉眠的.是超有效的安眠药…

开心时,我会发信息告诉他我得到了快乐."嘿,今天我…!"
工作时,我会发信息告诉他我的无聊…
劳累时,我会发信息假扮我很空闲,这样一来可以跟他聊很久,减压.
不舍时,我会发信息聊聊过去,回想从前的无知与幼稚…
不会时,我会发信息问问他."嘿,这个….?"

有很多时候,很多信息,很多话题,很多…..
要分享的,要诉苦的,要批评的,要商量的,要考虑的…
他会是第一个我会找的对向.
不知道为什么. 也许是他每一次都能为我的’问号’划上句号吧.
他会加以解释,会给予很多他的合理观点,他的人生大道理…
我能听得舒服并且容易接受的忠告.
里头从来没有讽刺,看底,或不信任…
他是个只带给我快乐的朋友,只是快乐.
谁不懂我是个悲人?!..所以我才会想念他的信息啊!(不是他!)
而且十个跟我非面对面聊天的人跟我聊天的话..
通常结局只有一个. "……"
就是SPEECHLESS的意思.
可是跟他,没试过…

我们不曾闹翻…
也许是因为我们相信对方.
也许是因为他一直不断地容忍我吧…
也许是因为我们都常礼让.
也许是因为他真的大方.
也许是因为我无所谓.
也许是因为我害怕失去他…的信息.
一封来自难得了解自己的好朋友 的信息.
他说过会愿意当我的聆听者.他的任务是聆听.
而我的任务就是说给他听…
或许一切只是,演戏…
但,这都是以前了啦!

那天…
他好奇怪.是我的信息过分了吗? 嘿,真的吗?…
怎么突然说出让我到现在还忘不了的话…?
"我很怕人家误会的.."

就这样,我不知所措.
网上遇见时,话题少了比一半还要多…
[喂,你猪啊!..怎么可以这样对我啦!]
我又不能管那么多啊..毕竟他有权利’不聊’!

我该解释吗?解释就是掩饰啊..
我该假装吗?不是我的作风啦..
我该改变吗?我没有错,改屁啊..
我该停止吗?可是会想念耶..
我该继续吗?怕会吓跑他啊!明明说他怕了嘛!
我该等待吗?也许是吧…不好太主动了.他怕…
我该找他吗?没他真的不行吗!!!!我怎么那么依赖啊!人家在忙啦!

当今的我,一直反复唱着同一首歌.
是这样唱的:
真想和你聊一聊天  很想看看你温柔的容颜
很想听你说自己并没有变 (努力说服自己你没有变)
好象看我们从前的照片  多想和你再接近一点
你现在的心是靠在谁的身边(你现在的她是否真已从心所愿)
是你变了吗 我的影子笑我的人好傻
是你变了吗 我已经跟不上你的步伐
是你变了吗(啊) 对你的感觉应该停止吧
已经不明白你的想法 已经不再看见你眼中的牵挂

熟悉吧!是我偶像的歌<光良品冠>"是你变了吗".

我就这样…慢慢地会失去这个朋友吗?
可以选择"不要" 吗?
又要历史重演吗?会很痛叻!

误会!<–你究竟是什么!怎么那么恐怖啊!?
你知道你永远都是人家爸妈离婚的起因吗!
你知道你永远是男女之间步入教堂的绊脚石吗!
你知道吗!

现在你更是我跟他的友情线上的莫名　杀手!!!
我快疯了啦!都是你害的啦!!!!
我警告你啦..要是我真的不能在挽回当初的友情…
那种没有约束,没有聊天限制的友情…
你就完蛋啦!..我宰了你!!!

如果可以的话,我什么生日愿望,什么奇迹都不要了..
一切留到明年再许,都没关系.
我只要他的信息在圣诞前夕再次回来我的手机信箱…
陪我度过这寂寞的圣诞生日.
圣诞爷爷,你说..这样好不好? :’(

2005 年的冬天
是最寂寞,最疼,最累,最没希望及最冷的冬天.
真的..

#(完)#
16.DEC.2005

Two weeks more to go will be christmas day 2005. Is my birthday again.

Well…will be full-19years old. This year (2005) is a year where I learnt a lot,and growth the most. Anyway, still childish. Everytime when the X’mas came…i will started to blame. Blame at Santa claus. Cause, i am a santa baby. I always wish the same thing during my birthday but it never come true. What r u doing Santa?! Do u know,for 18 years i had make my wishes n it never come true?? Still… i hope miracles will happen this time. I will be patient,but please,dont let me wait for too long. I’m tired,Santa.

Normal wishes: Of coz i hope that all my family members n my friends n ppl who around me(include my enemy) are fine,healthy,and happy all the time…God blessing. It’s ok if i m not fine. Whenever i m not fine, at least i can c how many ppl r concerning me. But,if ppl aroud me get into trouble,i’ll be trouble too…my heart will pain, sad seeing them sad,hurt seeing them hurt…So, plz… give everyone luck..n happiness. Please,let those unfortunate baby have a new start after this Xmas. They r innocent! Peace out the world,please! TQ!

Miracle 1:

For over 15 years I asked,but still, I dont have the chance to get my own piano. I hope to get my own piano with my own money but with my daddy permission, can u help me,Santa?

Miracle 2:

Papa going to have his new factory, it’s about risks! Can u protect him from all the risks and make everything run smooth? Papa getting old, I m sad seeing him old. Worry..if i m going to lost him can u protect him from all kind of sicknesses…and let me be with him forever? U know..he is the only guy who loves me 100%… i cant live without him! Can u help me,Santa?

Miracle 3:

On my birthday, I hope that he’ll be the first to sms me,will it be? I hope that he could chat with me and i hope to spend my whole day of Xmas just chatting with him,it’s hard…too hard. But i hope it will really happen. Coz birthday must be happy. Without his msg, i wont feel happy then… Can u help me, Santa?

Miracle 4:

I hope that my cat who lost named Ago-gO will come back again… already 2 years it gone. I miss him so much…at least let me know,where he gone. Can u help me,Santa?

Miracle 5:

Give me some confident. I need it no matter where i go n what i do!… I m too timid. I can’t do anything i like without my confident. I want to drive out as soon as i can! Can u help me,Santa?

Miracle 6:

Daddy said i could have my own car after a year. Izzit true? thats miracle,right?

Miracle 7:

I got Band5 in Muet. I didnt fail any subject in my STPM. Dont fail my SEJ2,coz Pn Tan will feel sad. I dun wan to disappoint her,i already tried my best… Can u help me,Santa??

Miracle 8:

Mr Chan will type another piece of certificate for me(without charging me), with a GredA (at least a B)inside my Badminton column in the co-curiculums cert. And he have to apologise to me for what he had done.THe unfair. and The irresponsible…as a teacher.

Miracle 9:

Let me forget everything which is sad n dun let unneccessary things affect my life. and make him lost infront of me forever,Can u do that,Santa?

Last Miracle but not least…

I really hope to find out my angeL… who can really provide me warmness,care,and love togather with a bright future with a nice family. This wish is very important. Very urgent… Coz, i think i m getting insane!

Li Ying is making wishes here…hOping miracles happen sooN.

Christmas Baby’ 1986*———i m still babY

3.13am 13 Dec 2005